oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
