I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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