I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So much Jack, so little girl.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
