If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
