she woke up with a sticky ear
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
