One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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