DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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