somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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