Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
