Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
