The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
