where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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