I'll bet she douches with gravy.
smell my finger.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
