it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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