she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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