There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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