Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
