My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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