are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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