never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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