She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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