I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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