i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
