My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I met the friendliest cop last night
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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