omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
