And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
