She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
