He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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