we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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