Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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