He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
