AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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