I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
