Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
