we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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