Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I forget how to act sober
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
