i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
