Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
