community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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