I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
