I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
