I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
