my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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