Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
