the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
