Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
