i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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