Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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