Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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