Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
