someone get that fucking seahorse.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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