I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
